Bond, state assassin

I started to think about this when I saw Spectre, the latest James Bond film back in November: He is a most amazing public servant.  I work in public government also, and wondered what it would be like if James Bond worked for the kind of agencies that I’m familiar with:

“I don’t know how I’m going to kill my suspect today. There have been so many cutbacks. We have to make do with half the staff we had a couple years ago. Yet somehow, there are too many managers, so I keep on getting requests for progress reports and meetings.  And they get paid 25-50% more than me. Are they getting shot at? I had a superior review this past year, but had to settle for a 1% COLA increase.”

“Government intelligence?  How can I track my suspects if I can’t view regular public websites through our firewall?  My computer is 7 years old, still runs XP, and half my agency is ahead of me on the system refresh queue!”

“Travel?  I need to fill in a travel authorization, giving precise amounts of what I plan to spend in order to be reimbursed. Of course, my spending will be through my personal accounts until after the trip.  Blowing up buildings is really going to be tough to get through on my expense report.  Somehow, tuxedos, champagne and expensive women have to fit in there too.  At least I get to use a fabulous agency vehicle – a late model 2008 Taurus, as long as I track the mileage and only use fuel stations on the agency fuel card system.”

Anyway, you get the idea.

“Killer Whale”

Over time, we each develop a vocabulary with our family and friends which may include words that are familiar yet nonsense in context, or words that are unfamiliar.  My wife has been asking what the time is for years with the French "quel hor e’tiel" (sp?), which to me sounds sort of like "Killer Whale".  So sometimes she just says "Killer Whale".  We’ve also come to understand that "honchus" are her childhood term for sandwhiches, and "Porterism" is a gross exageration.